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Oct. 7th, 2013 08:22 amliving on my own is an experiment. owning a lizard is an experiment.
i'm poor because work suddenly slashed a bunch of shifts, but otherwise i'm managing to make ends meet, somehow.
the last month i've just become MEAN, like all the nice bones in my body died and went to Nice Person Heaven and now i'm just a crusty old lady who just grouches at everyone. i think it's a combination of my line of work, my age, and people in general.
for example, this girl kept calling me and gave me shit about calling her ("it's the wrong number i'm just a teeensy bit annoyed with youuu") and i called her back saying "fuck no! my phone was off all morning. first get YOUR call back number right, and stop calling me."
i've been having small fights with customers, even with a nasty one that outright called me fat thinking he was hot shit (note: green mohawks and giant orange hummers send the opposite message), supervisors and poor management in general is making my life a living hell, i've been to three different interviews, all with my A game, and STILL NO NEW JOB...
and my ex has been bugging me to talk to him again (I MISS YOUUUU aka load of bull), and despite my mean messages and ignoring, he still likes to go on about things that are hurtful to me. tonight i was super mean and called him out, and i expect him to have removed me off everything. he was talking about this engaged tramp he made out with and then she wanted to hook up with him... it's a double standard to make out with a woman then call her the tramp, when you're equally as guilty. so i called him a dumbass, full of shit, and yadda ya... i'm not sorry for the things i said.
i mean, living on my own again is awesome, and i get along pretty well with my roommate. and i love my bearded dragon, too.
but i can't help but feel the sudden loss of a thriving social life is hindering me. i've worked very hard to get where i am, my confidence is better, i have a good skill set.
yet... something is amiss, and it's making me uncomfortable.
i don't know entirely what it is. maybe i feel it's that i'm not living up to my full potential. i guess i just don't feel very fulfilled lately. and also, i feel like a part of me has died.
it's very stressful, and i'm not sure what to do. besides continuing to watch breaking bad or playing shin megami tensei 4.
i'm poor because work suddenly slashed a bunch of shifts, but otherwise i'm managing to make ends meet, somehow.
the last month i've just become MEAN, like all the nice bones in my body died and went to Nice Person Heaven and now i'm just a crusty old lady who just grouches at everyone. i think it's a combination of my line of work, my age, and people in general.
for example, this girl kept calling me and gave me shit about calling her ("it's the wrong number i'm just a teeensy bit annoyed with youuu") and i called her back saying "fuck no! my phone was off all morning. first get YOUR call back number right, and stop calling me."
i've been having small fights with customers, even with a nasty one that outright called me fat thinking he was hot shit (note: green mohawks and giant orange hummers send the opposite message), supervisors and poor management in general is making my life a living hell, i've been to three different interviews, all with my A game, and STILL NO NEW JOB...
and my ex has been bugging me to talk to him again (I MISS YOUUUU aka load of bull), and despite my mean messages and ignoring, he still likes to go on about things that are hurtful to me. tonight i was super mean and called him out, and i expect him to have removed me off everything. he was talking about this engaged tramp he made out with and then she wanted to hook up with him... it's a double standard to make out with a woman then call her the tramp, when you're equally as guilty. so i called him a dumbass, full of shit, and yadda ya... i'm not sorry for the things i said.
i mean, living on my own again is awesome, and i get along pretty well with my roommate. and i love my bearded dragon, too.
but i can't help but feel the sudden loss of a thriving social life is hindering me. i've worked very hard to get where i am, my confidence is better, i have a good skill set.
yet... something is amiss, and it's making me uncomfortable.
i don't know entirely what it is. maybe i feel it's that i'm not living up to my full potential. i guess i just don't feel very fulfilled lately. and also, i feel like a part of me has died.
it's very stressful, and i'm not sure what to do. besides continuing to watch breaking bad or playing shin megami tensei 4.
